Gotta Play to Win
I’m planning to take some time off for a vacation and have had to decide what to do with myself. Which, honestly, at times can feel like a burden. Please don’t hate me for saying that. Hear me out.
When we are feeling burnt out the idea of any free time sounds divine. But I’m not a sit-on-the-beach-for-days-on-end-and-sip-pina-coladas-under-the-palm-trees kinda gal. I know for a fact I would get bored. And I suspect eventually you would too. Research suggests that both being too busy and having too much free time decrease our happiness. Our happy place is somewhere along that continuum. We humans like to feel productive and be cognitively stimulated while not being overburdened by demands on our time or attention.
I’m certainly not suggesting that you avoid taking time off. No, not at all. Use that PTO! I am suggesting that you take time off strategically. Plan time off that creates the conditions for optimal play. Yes, play. That thing you did a lot as a kid. It hits that sweet spot of being engaging yet lighthearted.
Believe it or not, play is in fact productive. It’s beneficial for humans and more-than-human animals across the lifespan. Dr. Stuart Brown, author of Play writes, “In playing our burdens feel lighter and we are opened to new possibilities. But play goes even deeper. It shapes our brains to make us smarter and more able to adapt to situations.” Play has been shown to reduce stress, boost mood, enhance creativity, and improve brain function.
Unfortunately, many of us have forgotten how to play. People experiencing burn out are often those who decided on a path and pursued it relentlessly, forgoing flights of fancy for practical choices that mitigate risk. These choices often lead to great “success” and yet, all work and no play inevitably makes people bored and (yawn) boring.
Burn out is characterized by feelings of apathy and disinterest. Sometimes we have existed in this space for so long that the spark of playfulness within is nearly extinguished. If you had extra time and energy to play, you might feel at a loss about how to fill your time. You might feel scared or anxious about the prospect of too much time off. You may even feel ashamed that you can’t identify what you want to do or what sounds fun.
But not to worry. I’ve been there too. Start by noticing the experience of joy and pleasure in your body. The more familiar you are with what pleasant sensations feel like in your body, the easier you will be able to recognize when you are having fun. Whether we are numbed from burnout, dissociated from trauma, or socialized as children by culture and/or our families of origin to ignore our inner experience, many of us struggle to pick up on these sensations.
Scientists have mapped where people feel emotions in their bodies. When I first looked at the data, human shaped figures filled in with colors corresponding to various emotional states, I was astonished. For years anytime my therapist would ask me where I felt a particular emotion in my body, I had no idea how to answer. These three things have helped become more attuned with my body and what I find truly enjoyable:
Exercising my want muscle. Sometimes we become disconnected from what we want. Our “want muscle” can atrophy after years or decades of doing what is expected of us or what we believe other people want from us. The way you regain the ability to identify what you want is to practice. Practice noticing what you want and going after it. Give yourself permission to want. Start small; maybe identify what you want to eat or drink. Or how to spend a Sunday afternoon. Experiment with wanting, try different stuff out, see what works for you.
Mindfulness of positive emotions. Do something you know you like doing or try something you did for play as a kid. Try not to feel joyful on rollerskates, I dare you. Take a brief pause–5 seconds or less–to turn inward. Ask yourself, “Where do I feel this emotion in my body right now?” If you’re stumped, don’t be discouraged. It’s normal. Just keep the conversation going with yourself and it will naturally evolve.
Formal meditation practices, e.g. body scans. The benefits of a body scan are twofold. Body scans will help you become more familiar with turning inward and feeling the physical sensations in your body. Additionally, research shows body scans facilitate stress reduction. The more relaxed you are, the easier it will be for joy to arise. If you Google “body scan meditation,” there will be countless guided meditations to choose from. Here are simple instructions:
First and foremost, as with all meditation practices, try to maintain an attitude of curiosity and kindness
Get comfortable. Sit or lie down.
Take a few deep breaths. Notice where you feel breath in your body. Allow your breath to slow and deepen if that’s available.
Systematically scan your entire body. Start at your feet or your head and work your way up or down. There’s no wrong way to do it.
If you feel tension or discomfort, visualize your breath flowing into that part of your body and the tension flowing out of your body with your exhale.
Maybe a body scan won’t immediately give you an “Ah ha!” moment about what to do with your life, your career, or even your vacation but it is a start. In my experience, big changes start with small changes. Small changes initiate a domino effect. Even uncovering a small ember of enthusiasm can spark vitality in one's life yet again.
So how did I decide to play on vacation? I’m going to Seoul, South Korea where I will do things that appeal to my unique play palette. I plan to wander around the city and parks while taking photos and trying new foods. I want to dress up in a Korean hanbok, a pretty traditional dress, and explore a 14th century royal palace. And I’m engaging in my favorite form of play, social dance, by attending a dance festival.
PS I highly recommend you check out the work of Catherine Price, author of The Power of Fun. She distinguishes between the banal things we often refer to as “fun”--a dinner party, watching sports, going to see a movie–and True Fun–which is a combination of playfulness, connection, and flow. The better you understand the things that typically lead to playfulness, connection, and flow for you, the better you’ll be able to seek out and create experiences that are likely to lead to fun.
